Got a Bad one ?
E-mail me with it and I'll share.
There were these two farmers, one was very wealthy and the other was poor. Well it just
happen to be that there wife's had birthdays on the same day. The poor farmer said to the
wealthy farmer, "What do you plan on getting your wife for her birthday
tomorrow?" Well he says, "I'm going to get her a Mercedes and a Mink coat".
Why are you getting her a Mercedes AND a Mink coat?, says the poor farmer. That way, if
she doesn't like the mink coat, she can drive herself to the store to return it! By the
way, what do you plan on getting your wife tomorrow?
PF: A pair of slippers and a dildo.
RF: Why the dildo?
PF: That way, if she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself.
This guy is a bad golfer. He has a nasty slice, which he's working on. Today, he
overcompensates and hooks badly off the tee. After much searching of the rough on the left
of the fairway he finally locates his ball sitting in the middle of a bed of buttercups.
Well, he thinks, gotta play it where it lies. So he stands amid the buttercups and starts
whacking away. The buttercups are flying this way and that when suddenly there is a clap
of thunder and a brilliant flash of light, and a woman appears before him dressed in a
filmy white gown, her hair woven with flowers. Who are you?' the man asks. 'I'm
Mother Nature,' the woman says, 'And it's not nice to mess with Mother Nature! I saw you
messing up my buttercups and I decided to appear here and punish you. For one year, you
may not have any butter. I have spoken.' The man wipes a hand across his brow. 'Whew', he
says, 'that's a relief! 'Didn't you hear me, Mister?' the woman says, 'I said that for the
next year you can't have any butter! None at all! It's your punishment! 'Lady, you don't
understand,' the man replies. Today I hooked, but usually I slice. If I had sliced today,
the ball would be over on the other side of the fairway. In the pussy-willows!'
There was this guy walking down the road when he noticed a night club ahead. He went in,
went up to the bar and asked for a drink. The bar owner, who was tending bar, said,
"I've never seen you in her before." The guy says, "Yes, I'm not from
around here. I'm just passing through on my way to find a job." The owner asks,
"What do you do?" The guy says, "I write music and play the piano."
The owner, looking excited says, "REALLY! I have an ad in the paper looking for
someone to play my piano. Please sit down at the keyboard and play for me if you're
interested." The guy does and as he plays the piano the owner is in awe of his talent
and musical abilities. The owner says, "You play the piano more beautifully than
anyone I have ever heard! What is the name of that song?" The guy says, "I wrote
that song and the name is Two Lesbians Fucking Their Brains Out." The owner gasps and
is taken back. He says, "My gosh, that's a terrible name for such a beautiful song.
Do you know any others?" The guy smiles and plays again. Once more the owner is
astounded by this guy's talent and musical abilities. He's almost afraid to ask but he
does ask what the name of the song he just played. The guy answers, "I Fucked Her All
Night Until She Couldn't Take Anymore." The owner again was shocked. The owner says,
"Ok, you play beautifully and the songs you have written are incredible. I will hire
you, but you have to promise not to tell the name of your songs to the patrons." The
guy agrees. That night the guy was playing the piano and the crowd was just as amazed as
the owner was with this man's musical abilities. After playing two songsthe crowd stood up
and applauded. The guy was really pleased and stood up to take a bow. When he stood up and
faced the audience, it was apparent that his zipper was open and his dick and balls were
hanging out. One of the patrons close to the piano says, "Sir, do you know your dick
and balls are hanging out?" The guy smiles and says, "KNOW IT, I WROTE IT!"
A cowboy gets caught by some Indians. He is brought in front of the Indian Chief. The
Chief says "Because of your crimes against my people, I am going to sentence you to
be executed in three days. But first, you may get one wish for each of yourthree remaining
days with us. What is your first wish?" The cowboy thinks a moment and say "I
wish I could speak to my horse." The Chief grants his wish and the cowboy whispers to
the horse. The horse nods his head and leaves. He returns a few hours later with a
beautiful woman on his back. That night, the cowboy has sex with the fair maiden. The next
day, the Chief asks "What is your second wish?" The cowboy replies "I wish
I could speak to my horse again." The Chief grants his wish and the cowboy whispers
to the horse. The horse nods his head and leaves. He returns a few hours later with
another beautiful woman on his back. That night, the cowboy has sex with the second fair
maiden. The next day, the Chief states "You will be executed at noon, so what is your
final wish?" The cowboy replies "I wish I could speak to my horse. "The
Chief grants his wish and the cowboy walks over to the horse and slaps him and yells
"You stupid idiot! I told you to go into town and get me a POSSE!"
Bloke is shagging someone else's wife. Husband comes home unexpectedly. Bloke dives out of
window starkers. Joins up with joggers in street to hide his embarrassment. Jogger:
"You always run naked?" Bloke: "Sure." Jogger: "Why the
condom?" Bloke: "It might rain."